Still Purging from Inside

Today has been anything but a normal day for me.  I got to babysit the most precious little guy all day long while my friend, his regular sitter, went to Dr.'s appt's with her son.  Kacie and I both had appointments today and not thinking, when they called me to remind me, I told them that I wouldn't be able to make it because I was keeping the baby.  So my appt. is Monday now, but we went to hers.  Then we met up with a friend and Mark and ate some lunch at a Mexican Restaurant.  I could have just ate the salsa and chips it was so good, but in between feeding the little guy and talking, I got more than my share of the yumminess.

My Grandma went back to the nursing home today so tomorrow I am going to go out and see her for a bit.  If she starts being ugly, I just simply will leave.  

The Varsity Football team played in Bunker Hill this evening and stomped them 57-14.  The only reason they scored the last touchdown was because coach put in JV and well, my Freshman son, who also got to call the defensive plays.

By chance, and I love how chance works...another girlfriend of mine was over at the salon getting a pedi last night and there so happened to be another mother in there talking about all the trouble that her son is in right now. He is on probation, been caught with marijuana, been caught selling it to others, been kicked off the football team, has been called the cops on by his Mother for physically abusing her and is being watched by the DEA in the area.  The mother was talking about the kids that her boy has been hanging around with and it just so happened that a kid named Zach came into the conversation.  Oh yes, we are talking about my Zach.  My Zach that basically thinks he can do whatever he want's whenever he want's because his Dad would rather let him run than be a father.  His dad doesn't want to deal with him and when I try to say anything, I'm told that he is just trying to make things run smoothly until he gets out of the house.  See, he will be 18 in February, but wont graduate until the end of the school year, if  then.  My son decided to screw around the first three years of high school and now this year he has to take 7 classes including 2 English classes and 2 Math classes if he wants to graduate. Last weekend, with it being a long holiday weekend, Zachary decided it would be okay to assume that he could be gone from Friday until Monday or whenever he decided to come home to shower and change his clothes and then back out the door again.  Well, on Sunday he left with one of this friends to hang out and never came home.  On Monday, the kid was told to bring Zach home and then to go home because he had things to do.  And that is where the Mom of the kid who is in trouble comes in.  From 11:00a.m. until about 2:30 p.m. neither one of them were anywhere to be found.  Until, the Mom accidentally ratted them out in front of my friend.  Of course this Mother had to imply that We, the parents of these boys, don't have a clue about what our kids are doing.  She was put in her place by my friend and was given my phone number so that if he showed back up at her house high as a kite again, she is to call me.  I do not want Zach hanging out with him as he has enough troubles of his own.  

Let's just say that all summer long Zachary has ran.  His Dad made the rules I didn't... and they were that he could go out four nights a week but had to be home three.  So, if you count Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday...you get my point--hello, That is 4!  Plus he didn't come home on Sunday night, and though we knew where he was, he didn't have permission to stay and didn't bother asking if he could.  Anyway, Tuesday night Mark went to get the boys from football practice and he comes in saying that Zach was going out with Johnny to the girls volleyball game.  Well, it pissed me off.  Why? Because he was the one that made up the rules which I wasn't happy about to begin with. I told Mark if Zachary went out and got hurt or hurt someone else, I would never forgive him.  You CAN"T break your own rules or they no longer apply.  But my husband says that as long as he is doing well in school, then he's going to let him go.  So, I finally could log into skyward which is a program our school uses to communicate with parents from everything to lunch money, grades, discipline, etc.  I had been trying to log in all week long and it just kept saying Please Wait.  Well, it finally let me in after Zach had left and Mark had left to go to his second home, which would be the Sports Boosters building,   I texted Mark and told him that Zach, as of right now is failing English, has a D- in Foods,  a C in Geometry and History and an A in his 5th grade Math class and P.E.  We are in the 1st quarter of school and he is already flunking because of missing assignments.  But wait, Zachary told his Dad that he had been doing all the work and was passing his classes which he knew was a lie.  But do you think there was a discussion about it when he got home. Where we could sit down and discuss it.  Hell no, Mark calls him on his phone and chews his ass out.  Outcome--that's it!  Nothing else was said to him and well, this year I have given the control to his Father and told him that when and if the school starts calling me for any reason, I don't care that I'm home--I will tell them to call his Father.  Seriously, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree and Mark and Zachary are just alike.  And they both treat me the same way.

Zachary is downright rude and disrespectful to me on so many levels its not even funny--and I've always been the one who has had his back.  Last year after he had been in his fourth fight, the district wanted to kick him out and make him go to safe school.  Now ask who put a stop to that?  Was it his father who spent two weeks collecting information and going to doctors and constantly talking to the Assistant and Principal at the school? Fuck no, it was me.  I am the ONLY reason Zachary is going to regular school this year, but yet he has told me that he doesn't respect me.  I could go on and on about how fucked up this whole situation is, but what's the point?  Nothing is going to change so I am biding my time.  I even told Zach to bring his work home and I would do it, just to get him to walk across the stage at the end of this year.  I absolutely refuse to let him fail, but he won't even do that. Well, not yet.

As I posted last night, my oldest daughter has decided that she didn't want to live at her boyfriends house anymore (really it's his Dad's house) but anyway.  I told her that if she needed to come home for a while to get her life back on track that would be fine, but that I wasn't going to make any of the other kids give up their rooms for her to stay in as she was the one who wanted to leave and that wouldn't be fair to any of them.  She worked today at the bank from 7-2 and then had to be at Maggie's to waitress at 4:30.  But when I was driving through Thayer picking up my friend, I saw that she had all the doors and trunk opened up on her car and was actually putting stuff in so it was then official to me that she was coming home. I honestly do not mind her coming here to get her shit straightened out, I really don't.  So, when she got off work she started bringing her stuff in. I told her that tomorrow while she was gone I would get boxes and wrap all of her breakables and we could store them over at her Grandma's house.  When I walked in from my walk, the dining room was covered with all of her stuff that she just threw in the car. Her moving plan was not very well thought out, but I was going to deal.  I told her I would clean out the front closet and she could put her clothes in there.  Her hygiene stuff, makeup and all that could go in the bathroom with the rest of the stuff and she could sleep in Emily' bed, since Emily sleeps with me.  Now, in any of that did I say that Stephanie could take over Emily's bedroom?  So, when I walked around the corner and looked into Emily's room Stephanie was taking down pictures and decorations in her room to put her mirror on Emily's dresser and Yes, maybe I over reacted a little bit, but damn it.  That is still Emily's room and she has no right to go in there and take anything down off of her walls.  It upset me because I know Stephanie and I know that if Emily goes in there and messes with her stuff she is going to be a bitch.  But as always, there is Mark...telling me that I'm being a bitch and oh, well don't I think that this is hard enough on Stephanie and what a way to start out.  When he was the one who made the comment, well I guess I'm back on the couch.  He shakes his head no at me and treats me like I'm wrong.  He said that if Kacie walked through the door I'd be kissing her ass and I was like really...you mean like I kiss your ass? So there's Stephanie crying and telling me how fucking hard this is for her and how fucking mean I'm being--and there's her Dad all about Stephanie but fuck me and Emily. So I proceed to clean up the kitchen and unload the dishwasher to work off some of my anger as he follows her out the door because oh, I've made her cry.

Now how many fucking times has he made me cry and he tells me I'm a fucking big baby?  When we argue and Emily gets upset and cries he tells her (shes 11) to shut the fuck up or he will give her something to really cry about. So I proceed to take out the garbage and they are out there sitting on the steps and he's all talking to her trying to make her feel better because I'm a bitch.  He goes on to tell her that if it is meant to be with Shane that  it will work itself out.  Now mind you...he and her had not even had a conversation about this coming home to stay for a while stuff.  The whole time I'm out there listening to him talk to her, I was thinking...my God, if you could only talk to me that way, I wouldn't feel the way I do.

A few weeks ago, I had to go school clothes shopping for Emily because she had hardly anything to start school in. While I was there I picked up an outfit each for the boys and well, when I got home I had spent too much fucking money.  All Emily wanted to do was try on her clothes for her Daddy but that was all overlooked because he was too busy yelling at me and saying fuck this and fuck that...and get a fucking job and being just downright mean.  It wasn't like I had bought anything for myself, it was all for the kids.  So, I told him that I would take it all back and get the money back and he could take her shopping because I now can't even do that right.  Well, he stormed off out of here and went over to his hide out place.  It was 6th grade orientation night but he didn't know that because the night I tried talking to him about it, he stood at the end of the bed and acted like I was bothering him and my story was taking too long and to spit it out so I just shut up and said nevermind.  Well, when Emily and I left to go to orientation I stopped back by the building and asked him why he has to treat me that way?  What do I do to deserve to be treated like a piece of shit.  His reply was don't fucking come over here and start on me or I will leave here too.  I was crying and he just laughed at me and told me again what a big fucking baby I am and if I have it that bad then I should just leave.  He told me that after 16 years I should know him and that he is not going to change so maybe it is time for us to part ways.  I got up and said, ya know...I think you may be right, and I left.

I'm tired of being treated like shit. Nothing I do is right and he knit picks at me until he can find something to be an asshole about.  He digs and digs until he can find something.  Well, I'm not getting any younger and I have put up with it for about as long as I think I can.  Why can he go out and comfort his daughter who has made this decision for herself when she is upset, but when I'm upset like I was too, I'm a fucking bitch!

I honestly don't know how much longer I can last and I can say this right now...if it all starts back over again with the sun rising and setting in Stephanie's ass...then my ass is gone.

Tomorrow is another day--we will see

Angie